The Bigger Picture

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have. Today was one of those for me.

So I come home from this long, downhill day and I sit down to get some perspective from my Creator. The book I've been studying read, "We have a fundamental distrust of God and His plan. We have a hard time with perspective because we are too close to the situation and can't see the picture." That's the truth. We live in the moment, and sometimes the moments (esp. stacked on top of each other) overwhelm and we feel like life is being choked out of us. God sees where we're going, the big picture, and is so excited for what He gets to do.

Every day I ask myself "Do I believe that God is good?" It's taped to my mirror to constantly question my ever-wandering mind. If He is good than I should trust Him. Beside my bed is a simple prayer that I have been praying and mulling over for a few weeks now. "God, I will trust that You have in mind what is best for me." However helpful these notes have been, I still find in myself a "fundamental distrust of God and His plan."

I'm a really bad waiter. I whine to God a lot. What's funny is that I usually take it back. Deep down, I'm afraid that He'll give me what I want and I'll find out the hard way that it wasn't what I wanted after all, that it wasn't good. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that God is good, really good.

So as silly as this sounds, from my psychological mind, do yourself a favor when you have one of those days. Take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture. The truth is that you will have to make it up, because only God knows. So use your imagination. It can take you anywhere. I don't encourage day-dreaming. That'll just get you in trouble. Just grab a glimmer of hope.

Now that I feel really wierd for writing silly stuff like that, know that I want whoever reads this whether intentionally or by stumbling upon it or out of boredom to be encouraged and to learn some of the things I learn along with me. Life is a journey and some times it just feels great to know that others are right there with you.

When I think of the journey metaphor, it reminds me that we always see those who are ahead of us and tend to forget those who are behind us. What I don't understand is why we so often don't see those beside us. Hmm...

Well, if I do have readers, which I kinda hope I do, write me a comment or send me a prayer request. I would be honored. God bless.

Procrastinating

Right now, I'm supposed to be writing a paper that was due a week and a half ago. I do feel bad. I'm not usually this kind of student. It's just that I have been so busy with school work that I couldn't push myself to write this one. I feel like I'm taking advantage of my teacher a little because he's the only flexible one I have. But the overwhelming amount of work that my inflexible teachers have given, only makes it worse for the flexible ones. Anyways...you don't care.

Last week was spring break. It was such a good break. I tried to be as good as I could spreading my time between everyone. Someone always gets short-changed and I feel bad. But I did okay this time. I slept a lot. I shopped a lot. I ate a lot. What more could a girl want??

I got to go to the beach for a day with my friends and that was the most wonderful experience. I just love them. I remember that I still haven't written about friendship, but I just want to do a good job. My friends mean the world to me. We really are like sisters. We are always there for each other. We have gone through some of the worst that the world could throw at us. We've all gone separate ways since high school, and despite all odds, we are still the best of friends. It has taken more work and more prayer than you could ever imagine, but we have never really fallen apart. We call ourselves the 4 stooges. When the first 2 of us went off to college, I made a travelling journal, a priceless treasure. I was obsessed with The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and for good reason. Of course, we couldn't find pants to fit all four of us, so the journal was second best. My best memories are with these girls. They have become my one true outlet for being myself. I laugh with them, dance with them, sing to the top of my lungs with them, get silly with them. They make my world go around.

Let me introduce them to you:

1-Jessie. we have been friends the longest, since we were probably ten or so. I joke with her because I really became friends with her because I felt sorry for her. She had a mullet, and no one would be friends with her. Now look what it has grown into! And she has beautiful hair! Jessie is the girl who will always make you laugh. She has a flirty, outgoing, and fun personality. This has made her the first to have a steady boyfriend and get engaged. Jessie is a real artist, and thinks in creative, arsty-fartsy ways. I love her and will always.

2.Sarah Ann. she is my actual blood sister. three years had always been a big gap in age difference until high school. now I don't know where I'd be without her. I get so proud of her, because I have gotten to see her grow. we are very different, with very different interests. but we can always find things to agree on. she is our science nerd and music buff. she is a whiz at science and wants to be a CSI. Sarah Ann also loves music and can sing beautifully. She sings all the time in church. they can't get enough of her. she doesn't like pictures or videos being takne of her, but she always enjoys being behind the camera. she has make many a video of us. she is the most reserved and quiet of all of us, but she can get passionate about many things. then, you better watch out.

3.Lacie. she was just voted by the high schoolers at our church, the hottest girl in our whole church. And she is beautiful. the boys have that right, but not only on the outside. before Lacie and I became friends, she came up to me in the darkness of our sanctuary on a worship night I was leading and asked me to pray for her and help her get closer to God. It was one of those precious moments in my life that I will remember forever. She was probably in eighth grade and I was in tenth. Our friendship just budded after that night. Lacie is both really girly and really...well, not. She grew up with brothers, so she could care less about that stuff, and at the same time she embraces what makes her different from them. She is very competitive and excels quickly at every new thing she tries. She is the most honest, sincere, and simple out of all of us.

All of these girls have amazing hearts for God and other people. I truly believe we stand high above the rest. We call each other out, when we are doing something stupid. We hold only the highest of standards. (to keep the doofwads away!) There are some night and day differences between us, but love holds us together through the bond of Christ. I am grateful every time we get to be together. We are sisters, no ands, ifs, or buts.

Scary stuff

There are three things that are probably the scariest to hear about your health.
1-You have a problem with your head.
2-You have a problem with your heart.
3- You've got cancer.

I've already dealt with the second one twice in my life. I can promise you, the third time doesn't get any better. Third time's a charm? Yeah right!
I never get sick(knock on wood). But yesterday I woke up with a really sore throat. Then the glands in my neck swelled up and got sore. This morning was the worst. I went down to the kitchen to get breakfast and started to feel light-headed. My heart started racing, and my body felt weak. I tried to get everything ready and to the table but had to just sit down. I laid my head down on the table and everything got worse. The next thing I know I've slid out of my chair and am on the floor disoriented. It took a minute to realize what had just happened as I called for my mom to come to my rescue. She couldn't find me as I was calling for her, but she eventually walked me to the couch. Scary.

Later when talking to my dad, my parents decided that this could be an indication that something is wrong with my heart, a problem that has already surfaced twice in my life(one that healed on its own when I was an infant and one false alarm my freshman year of college). They were afraid that something could really be wrong, so I got to spend my afternoon in a doctor's office, praying that everything really was fine. And praise God they are. I knew that I was being a royal pain in the butt to anyone around me, but it's a scary thing to even think of having heart problems at my age. My cousin who is only three years older than me, just found out she has this hereditary disease of the heart and had to have surgery. I don't want to go through with something like that.

Needless to say, be thankful for your health. If you feel like you're gonna pass out, get low to the ground. It hurts when you fall. And be gracious to those who take care of you. It would be much easier for them to be somewhere else!

e-harmony

Again, I'm in lab and not paying very much attention, but life is so busy right now before spring break that it might be the only time to catch up about anything.

My new haircut turned out to be not much different than before, except for the bangs (which drive me crazy, by the way) The experience was well worth it and was quite impressed with the salon. It was mind-blowing to go from small-town private salon to a big city professional chain salon. I got suckered into buying the outrageous shampoo and conditioner. Next time I know to stand strong. I'll put up a picture soon.

Next matter of business is Sunday night's concert. It was awesome. My school finally did something worth talking about. Lots of people from around the community came. There was Shane and Shane, Bethany Dillon, Starfield, and speaker, David Nasser. All are my faves. Love them. But what is cooler than seeing them perform in my school gym is getting to pick David Nasser up from the airport, an hour away. I tried so hard not to be star-struck, and I did an ok job. But I definitely wanted to be his best friend. David is my roommate Michelle's favorite speaker and since she had ties to Student Activities, they called her to pick him up. I sat in the back seat, and I'm sure he forgot my name soon after I said it. But so cool!!

I will say that it was hard to sit at the concert surrounded by couples. Literally, one on every side. Halfway through, and I'm not really sure how or why the cute guy from my class came and sat down right in front of me (the couple had left). Talk about distracting. I tried to stay focused on the concert and to not look too much :) This leads me to my next point....

My roommate signed me up for eHarmony!! Without my permission!! I was sitting on the couch beside me on her computer, and I wasn't paying attention to her. Then, she started laughing and I asked her what she was laughing about. She told me that she signed me up! I watched her go through the whole process, and I didn't give her input at all! I don't know how acurate it was, but we have lived together for 3 years now. In the end, I had 8 matches. Interesting. It made me wonder what kind of guys would put themselves on eHarmony? Especially at my age.
I mean, I shouldn't be desperate for at least another 5-10 years. I'm not sure what prompted Michelle to do that for me.

I am overwhelmed by school right now. This is my hardest semester, and it's proving itself. My grandparents are spending Saturday with me, I was supposed to work 3 days this week, and I was supposed to have 2 midterms. God always knows how much I can handle, and I got one test moved to next week(which is a little bit better) and two of my three jobs were cancelled due to sickness(one of which I still get paid for, b/c of late cancellation). How can not praise Him? I'm so thankful for all that God does in my life.

..."O praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead"...

Live life, live free!

Now I'm really out there. I have posted my page up on facebook. I'm gettin a little crazy! Who knows what'll be next!!

Today I had to write a quote for my school's yearbook about my mission trip to the Philippines last summer. It got me thinking about how amazing that trip was and how amazing God is and how amazing the world is. I'm sure you're thinking, "woah carrie! that's a little too much amazing for one sentence," but it's true. I learned so much on that trip, and it made me want to really see the world. Once you get to see outside of your own little cultural box, all you want is more. More and more.

It really saddens me when I see high school student after high school student stay so close to home and everything they know. I really try to push people to their limits when choosing a college. It's so hard to be away from home. I would never lie about that. I love my family. I love my friends back home. I love my state. But if that's all you ever know, you have no choice but to be narrow-minded. You don't know anything outside of your own little world.

And the world is huge!! I don't want to claim to know all of it, because that is very far from the truth. But I now have a different lens with which I can view the world, a much broader one.

I ran off on that tangent a little too quickly, but I come from a place where people most likely will stay there their entire lives. You'd think it was paradise or something! All of this to say that the Philippines was a most remarkable experience for me. I got stretched a lot. My favorite part (since I don't have near enough time to write about all of it) was getting to work with Compassion Intl. and the children who have been sponsored by blessed families all over the world. Those children took a piece of my heart. I'm sure of it. Every day we had lots of free time, and the kids would come from all over and spend time with us. I got particularly close with this one nine year old boy named Carl John. He had so much personality, and he had such a big heart. He always stood up for his friends, and I remember seeing him just sit with one boy who was crying and not say a word. Everyone on my team loved him, and I wasn't sure if the two of us really had a special bond or if I just felt like we did because he was so friendly. On the last day, a Saturday, we were waiting on Ernie to bring the van back to take us to the airport. All of the Compassion kids had programs they had to attend on Saturdays so they were all there. Carl John had just finished his Bible lesson where they made a bookmark with Romans 10:11 on it. With everyone around, he could have given it to the first person he saw, but I watched him as he kept looking over at me as the other girls ooo'd and aaaahh'd over his bookmark. Looking a little embarrassed he made his way over to me and gave me the bookmark. I felt the tear forming in the corner of my eye, and I read it. In sloppy, child-like writing and words misspelled, read "I miss you Carrei. Carl John" It was the high-light of my trip.

I had been so impressed with Compassion's ministries, and to see what they had done for this little boy who lived in the poorest of conditions, changed me. They do so much. Our money goes so far. I've even thought about working for them sometime in the future. What I would stress to anyone reading this is that if you can sponsor a child, do it! The rewards are far greater than the cost.

What a terrific day looks like

So far, today has been incredible! First off, I got up early to go work out, which of course makes me feel like a million bucks. And I had a test today, but think I did alright on it--not too hard. After the test my group for my research project met outside Jazzman's. Of course, they are all my friends, and we have a blast together. Not to mention the weather was beautiful outside today. I felt like a princess. I will say that I had a hard time working on our project with the cutie from my class sitting at the table next to us. And with the day being as perfect as it was, I felt hopeful that the perfect opportunity would open up soon for the two of us to become friends. We’ll just have to see.

After the glorious time in front of Jazzmans, I had my Paul class on the beach. Can you imagine?? How many people can say they have had class on the beach? It was the most amazing and fantastic idea ever. And my teacher!! I just love him. He’s like this lovable granddaddy figure. It was all his idea, and I love him for it. It is by far my favorite class this semester. And with a semester full of classes I don’t like, this is a huge breath of fresh air. The teacher plus my awesome classmates make the whole hour and fifteen minute classes fly by.

After class, Kayla and I made yummy bars. I let her in on the secret recipe, and we had a great bonding time. I really wish I spent more time with her. She is a precious girl to me. Not to mention, yummy bars are my favorite thing in the universe. So they added to the greatness of the day.

When I got home from Kayla’s, Brittany had called me to go to Chik-fil-a, another great thing in my life. My friend’s and I ate there and came back to watch a little TV and hang out. We were having so much fun.

Now, it’s time to go to bed, and I’m exhausted. I’ve had quite the full day, you know? As I fall to sleep tonight, I will be sure to count my blessings two times over!... “This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. "

I'm back.

I think it's funny how I write these things as if someone were actually reading them. I haven't even shared this with anyone I know. My thought was that if I died today (God forbid) someone could see what was actually going on with me. Day by day. Exciting and dull moments.

But back to my hair. Things change so much in my life. Earlier, I said Saturday was haircut day. Well, Michelle actually called and we couldn't get an appointment at the same time until next Wednesday. And we definitely want to do this together. Both of us have pretty much had the same hair stylist our whole lives. So, this is a pretty big leap of faith for both of us, especially since we are going to stylists that are new and straight out of cosmotology school. Hey, we are college students, ok? I hope trying to save a few bucks doesn't turn out to be a huge mistake.

The point of the story (however shallow talking about hair is, there is a point) is that I did not and still do not know my face shape. I've heard time and again that you should choose a hair style based on what complements your face shape. I always thought it was round, but didn't really know. So, I googled and took a bunch of face shape tests, and I found that I supposedly have a heart-shaped face. Every picture of a person with a heart-shaped face contradicts this. My chin doesn't come to a point like all of the pictures I see of celebs with heart-shaped faces. I guess I'll never know. I'm going to ask my stylist next Wednesday though.

Just so you know, I'm not going for a really drastic change. But I want to be noticed. I'll have to put up before and after pictures. Should be really interesting. To be completely honest, I've been especially concerned with impressing boys (or should I say men?) this semester. Quite honestly, I view it as a plague on my contentment. Some days, I think "boy, this is fun!" Other days, I think I should pack up and call it quits. Most of my guy friends have girlfriends(who are also my friends) so as much as I don't want to, I have to go outside of my group of friends to find a guy who would perhaps want to take me out. And that is proving to be hard...in every way.

Sometimes, I'm literally terrified to talk to boys. I don't what to say, do, or think in front of them. It all just gets so jumbled. And there is this one boy that I have been joking around with my girl friends about how cute he is. It's just been so fun to be silly with them about this kind of stuff. But I missed a great opportunity to talk to him last week, and I can't seem to get back in the game since then.

Should I even mention that next week is Valentine's Day? Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think I've ever been one of those sulky singles who hates the mere mentioning of the love holiday. I look forward to my dad buying me roses and my mom sending a card and some candy. But I can't block out of my head completely the reminder that I am failing in that particular area.

All this to say that I'm hoping for the best in my new haircut. I think I'm even springing for side-swept bangs. Maybe it will be just the thing I need to push through the Day of Love!