I'll cross the street...I have a dream.

My last Monday at work is come and gone. I hate how fast summers go by. This has truly been an incredible summer and a busy one at that. I know I'll never be able to do everything I want to do in life, but by golly I try. I have literally been out of town or had plans in town every single weekend. And then I would come back and work 36 hours a week. And I've learned so much and really struggled a lot.
You see, when I've got something on my mind that I'm really wrestling with I tend not to talk about it until I've got it all figured out. This can be problematic when people want to know what's going on with me in certain areas of life. I'm an open book in areas of my life not covered in question marks. For instance, a lot of people close to me have wanted to know how working with a psychology group for the summer has helped me decide my future. While I've learned so much from each one of the great people that I work with, putting it all together still looks like a great big mess. I have less than five months to make plans for January, and I definitely don't want to be stuck in Florence waiting for something magical to happen. I'm smarter than that. But how do you explain messes in your head to other people? I haven't quite found a good way yet.
The best advice I've gotten all summer came from a DVD of a series that Andy Stanley did called the Best Question Ever. We watched these videos on our college and career beach trip. He said that the best question to ask yourself in any circumstance is not "what is the right thing to do?" because that doesn't always point to a solid or concrete answer(not everything is spelled out in the Bible) but we should ask "what is the wise thing to do?" based on my past experiences, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams. That really put a lot of things in perspective for me.
Too many things have happened for me to write about all of them. I've gotten to spend at least some time with all of those people who are important to me. I've made new friendships and made old friendships stronger. What I'm learning is that life is about relationships. More importantly my salvation rests upon a relationship with the One who holds all things together. And I don't know Him the way I thought I did. This is me being vulnerable. I know so much about Jesus, and I have a relationship with Him. I do. But I know that I can't be a fair weather friend forever. I have to know Him. What is He passionate about? What direction is He going? Because in order to be the kind of bride that the Bridegroom can be proud of instead of some whore for a wife, I have to stand by Him. I need to know where that is. Too many times I get in the way instead of being helpful.
I've already said too much. I have to go. Read the Gospels. Right now I'm reading John who had the nerve to call himself the beloved disciple. I think maybe he got it.

Notes from a working girl

I am now an eight to five, real deal, working girl now. I have been for four weeks now. I didn't realize how long days could actually be when you're stuck behind a computer. I come home, take a nap, eat dinner, take a shower, and go to bed. I mean, what a life! I can't imagine having a family and other responsibilities outside of a job. I must be so spoiled! But enough whining... I love my job.
Behavioral Health Group has been fantastic for me. The people I work with are amazing and so helpful. I really think I will be sure of what I want to do come the end of the summer. The fact that it is a private practice with a number of psychologists and licensed counselors with diverse backgrounds and specialties is phenomenal. And did I mention that they are all Christians?? This is exactly what I think I want to do! I get along with everyone so well, and sometime they feel more like family than co-workers. And I have only been there for four weeks!
So what do I do exactly? Yeah, good question. Let's say whatever needs to be done. I've caught on pretty quickly with everything so far, so I've been the receptionist some days, I get to run to Office Depot or call them and place orders charging lots of money on the business credit card, I score some of the psychological testing and insert the information into our computer system some times, I get to meet with the doctors and counselors to pelt them with questions, I get to do some observing and participating in group therapy and other things, but mostly I sit at my computer and fix the billing records that weren't done right when the old office manager was there. I will have my own office by the end of the summer. I think that is pretty cool.
My only frustration is that I have been working for four weeks now and won't be paid until next week. I found that out today. I don't want to cast blame on anyone, because the person who should have gotten everything straightened out with the payroll guy hardly works at the office anyways. But I just wish there was one person in charge of me who was there and I could ask questions and get things straightened out right away. Unfortunately for the moment, I'll have to wait on money and keep working on the computer stuff hoping that it is done right.
This will be a great summer, and I have plenty of other things to write about soon. Now to work the church nursery for my mom who is stuck at the beach.....

My crazy life

My life has never been crazier than it was this semester. I have hardly had time to breathe between reading assignment, writing papers, research projects, and studying for exams. This is my last spring in West Palm, and I wish I had been able to enjoy it more. Now it's time to pack and clean and try to enjoy the last day before summer at home.

The past two weeks have had so much going on, but I think it's important to mention that I just turned 21!!! Even though it was in the midst of the craziness and everyone was busy, my amazing friends still made time to make it special. I woke up and our whole apartment was decorated with streamers and post-its and luau party supplies. It was awesome.

The weekend before my birthday, my family came for a visit. We had a great time, and they even got to come to the Keys with me for my friend's birthday party. It was a busy weekend for me and little sleep, but I really had a good time.

On my actual birthday I went a local park on the beach. It was so much fun. Just me and God and the beauty of creation. This beach has so many shells. I had to go get some as birthday momentos. Even though I had so much on my plate during that time, I decided to take a break from it all and do as little homework as possible. I deserved it. A friend recently taught me that birthdays are about celebrating the gift of life that God has given. It's not about getting a year older but being blessed with another year of life. I want to celebrate like that.

The Bigger Picture

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have. Today was one of those for me.

So I come home from this long, downhill day and I sit down to get some perspective from my Creator. The book I've been studying read, "We have a fundamental distrust of God and His plan. We have a hard time with perspective because we are too close to the situation and can't see the picture." That's the truth. We live in the moment, and sometimes the moments (esp. stacked on top of each other) overwhelm and we feel like life is being choked out of us. God sees where we're going, the big picture, and is so excited for what He gets to do.

Every day I ask myself "Do I believe that God is good?" It's taped to my mirror to constantly question my ever-wandering mind. If He is good than I should trust Him. Beside my bed is a simple prayer that I have been praying and mulling over for a few weeks now. "God, I will trust that You have in mind what is best for me." However helpful these notes have been, I still find in myself a "fundamental distrust of God and His plan."

I'm a really bad waiter. I whine to God a lot. What's funny is that I usually take it back. Deep down, I'm afraid that He'll give me what I want and I'll find out the hard way that it wasn't what I wanted after all, that it wasn't good. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that God is good, really good.

So as silly as this sounds, from my psychological mind, do yourself a favor when you have one of those days. Take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture. The truth is that you will have to make it up, because only God knows. So use your imagination. It can take you anywhere. I don't encourage day-dreaming. That'll just get you in trouble. Just grab a glimmer of hope.

Now that I feel really wierd for writing silly stuff like that, know that I want whoever reads this whether intentionally or by stumbling upon it or out of boredom to be encouraged and to learn some of the things I learn along with me. Life is a journey and some times it just feels great to know that others are right there with you.

When I think of the journey metaphor, it reminds me that we always see those who are ahead of us and tend to forget those who are behind us. What I don't understand is why we so often don't see those beside us. Hmm...

Well, if I do have readers, which I kinda hope I do, write me a comment or send me a prayer request. I would be honored. God bless.

Procrastinating

Right now, I'm supposed to be writing a paper that was due a week and a half ago. I do feel bad. I'm not usually this kind of student. It's just that I have been so busy with school work that I couldn't push myself to write this one. I feel like I'm taking advantage of my teacher a little because he's the only flexible one I have. But the overwhelming amount of work that my inflexible teachers have given, only makes it worse for the flexible ones. Anyways...you don't care.

Last week was spring break. It was such a good break. I tried to be as good as I could spreading my time between everyone. Someone always gets short-changed and I feel bad. But I did okay this time. I slept a lot. I shopped a lot. I ate a lot. What more could a girl want??

I got to go to the beach for a day with my friends and that was the most wonderful experience. I just love them. I remember that I still haven't written about friendship, but I just want to do a good job. My friends mean the world to me. We really are like sisters. We are always there for each other. We have gone through some of the worst that the world could throw at us. We've all gone separate ways since high school, and despite all odds, we are still the best of friends. It has taken more work and more prayer than you could ever imagine, but we have never really fallen apart. We call ourselves the 4 stooges. When the first 2 of us went off to college, I made a travelling journal, a priceless treasure. I was obsessed with The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and for good reason. Of course, we couldn't find pants to fit all four of us, so the journal was second best. My best memories are with these girls. They have become my one true outlet for being myself. I laugh with them, dance with them, sing to the top of my lungs with them, get silly with them. They make my world go around.

Let me introduce them to you:

1-Jessie. we have been friends the longest, since we were probably ten or so. I joke with her because I really became friends with her because I felt sorry for her. She had a mullet, and no one would be friends with her. Now look what it has grown into! And she has beautiful hair! Jessie is the girl who will always make you laugh. She has a flirty, outgoing, and fun personality. This has made her the first to have a steady boyfriend and get engaged. Jessie is a real artist, and thinks in creative, arsty-fartsy ways. I love her and will always.

2.Sarah Ann. she is my actual blood sister. three years had always been a big gap in age difference until high school. now I don't know where I'd be without her. I get so proud of her, because I have gotten to see her grow. we are very different, with very different interests. but we can always find things to agree on. she is our science nerd and music buff. she is a whiz at science and wants to be a CSI. Sarah Ann also loves music and can sing beautifully. She sings all the time in church. they can't get enough of her. she doesn't like pictures or videos being takne of her, but she always enjoys being behind the camera. she has make many a video of us. she is the most reserved and quiet of all of us, but she can get passionate about many things. then, you better watch out.

3.Lacie. she was just voted by the high schoolers at our church, the hottest girl in our whole church. And she is beautiful. the boys have that right, but not only on the outside. before Lacie and I became friends, she came up to me in the darkness of our sanctuary on a worship night I was leading and asked me to pray for her and help her get closer to God. It was one of those precious moments in my life that I will remember forever. She was probably in eighth grade and I was in tenth. Our friendship just budded after that night. Lacie is both really girly and really...well, not. She grew up with brothers, so she could care less about that stuff, and at the same time she embraces what makes her different from them. She is very competitive and excels quickly at every new thing she tries. She is the most honest, sincere, and simple out of all of us.

All of these girls have amazing hearts for God and other people. I truly believe we stand high above the rest. We call each other out, when we are doing something stupid. We hold only the highest of standards. (to keep the doofwads away!) There are some night and day differences between us, but love holds us together through the bond of Christ. I am grateful every time we get to be together. We are sisters, no ands, ifs, or buts.

Scary stuff

There are three things that are probably the scariest to hear about your health.
1-You have a problem with your head.
2-You have a problem with your heart.
3- You've got cancer.

I've already dealt with the second one twice in my life. I can promise you, the third time doesn't get any better. Third time's a charm? Yeah right!
I never get sick(knock on wood). But yesterday I woke up with a really sore throat. Then the glands in my neck swelled up and got sore. This morning was the worst. I went down to the kitchen to get breakfast and started to feel light-headed. My heart started racing, and my body felt weak. I tried to get everything ready and to the table but had to just sit down. I laid my head down on the table and everything got worse. The next thing I know I've slid out of my chair and am on the floor disoriented. It took a minute to realize what had just happened as I called for my mom to come to my rescue. She couldn't find me as I was calling for her, but she eventually walked me to the couch. Scary.

Later when talking to my dad, my parents decided that this could be an indication that something is wrong with my heart, a problem that has already surfaced twice in my life(one that healed on its own when I was an infant and one false alarm my freshman year of college). They were afraid that something could really be wrong, so I got to spend my afternoon in a doctor's office, praying that everything really was fine. And praise God they are. I knew that I was being a royal pain in the butt to anyone around me, but it's a scary thing to even think of having heart problems at my age. My cousin who is only three years older than me, just found out she has this hereditary disease of the heart and had to have surgery. I don't want to go through with something like that.

Needless to say, be thankful for your health. If you feel like you're gonna pass out, get low to the ground. It hurts when you fall. And be gracious to those who take care of you. It would be much easier for them to be somewhere else!

e-harmony

Again, I'm in lab and not paying very much attention, but life is so busy right now before spring break that it might be the only time to catch up about anything.

My new haircut turned out to be not much different than before, except for the bangs (which drive me crazy, by the way) The experience was well worth it and was quite impressed with the salon. It was mind-blowing to go from small-town private salon to a big city professional chain salon. I got suckered into buying the outrageous shampoo and conditioner. Next time I know to stand strong. I'll put up a picture soon.

Next matter of business is Sunday night's concert. It was awesome. My school finally did something worth talking about. Lots of people from around the community came. There was Shane and Shane, Bethany Dillon, Starfield, and speaker, David Nasser. All are my faves. Love them. But what is cooler than seeing them perform in my school gym is getting to pick David Nasser up from the airport, an hour away. I tried so hard not to be star-struck, and I did an ok job. But I definitely wanted to be his best friend. David is my roommate Michelle's favorite speaker and since she had ties to Student Activities, they called her to pick him up. I sat in the back seat, and I'm sure he forgot my name soon after I said it. But so cool!!

I will say that it was hard to sit at the concert surrounded by couples. Literally, one on every side. Halfway through, and I'm not really sure how or why the cute guy from my class came and sat down right in front of me (the couple had left). Talk about distracting. I tried to stay focused on the concert and to not look too much :) This leads me to my next point....

My roommate signed me up for eHarmony!! Without my permission!! I was sitting on the couch beside me on her computer, and I wasn't paying attention to her. Then, she started laughing and I asked her what she was laughing about. She told me that she signed me up! I watched her go through the whole process, and I didn't give her input at all! I don't know how acurate it was, but we have lived together for 3 years now. In the end, I had 8 matches. Interesting. It made me wonder what kind of guys would put themselves on eHarmony? Especially at my age.
I mean, I shouldn't be desperate for at least another 5-10 years. I'm not sure what prompted Michelle to do that for me.

I am overwhelmed by school right now. This is my hardest semester, and it's proving itself. My grandparents are spending Saturday with me, I was supposed to work 3 days this week, and I was supposed to have 2 midterms. God always knows how much I can handle, and I got one test moved to next week(which is a little bit better) and two of my three jobs were cancelled due to sickness(one of which I still get paid for, b/c of late cancellation). How can not praise Him? I'm so thankful for all that God does in my life.

..."O praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead"...