Friday, March 28, 2008

The Bigger Picture

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have. Today was one of those for me.

So I come home from this long, downhill day and I sit down to get some perspective from my Creator. The book I've been studying read, "We have a fundamental distrust of God and His plan. We have a hard time with perspective because we are too close to the situation and can't see the picture." That's the truth. We live in the moment, and sometimes the moments (esp. stacked on top of each other) overwhelm and we feel like life is being choked out of us. God sees where we're going, the big picture, and is so excited for what He gets to do.

Every day I ask myself "Do I believe that God is good?" It's taped to my mirror to constantly question my ever-wandering mind. If He is good than I should trust Him. Beside my bed is a simple prayer that I have been praying and mulling over for a few weeks now. "God, I will trust that You have in mind what is best for me." However helpful these notes have been, I still find in myself a "fundamental distrust of God and His plan."

I'm a really bad waiter. I whine to God a lot. What's funny is that I usually take it back. Deep down, I'm afraid that He'll give me what I want and I'll find out the hard way that it wasn't what I wanted after all, that it wasn't good. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that God is good, really good.

So as silly as this sounds, from my psychological mind, do yourself a favor when you have one of those days. Take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture. The truth is that you will have to make it up, because only God knows. So use your imagination. It can take you anywhere. I don't encourage day-dreaming. That'll just get you in trouble. Just grab a glimmer of hope.

Now that I feel really wierd for writing silly stuff like that, know that I want whoever reads this whether intentionally or by stumbling upon it or out of boredom to be encouraged and to learn some of the things I learn along with me. Life is a journey and some times it just feels great to know that others are right there with you.

When I think of the journey metaphor, it reminds me that we always see those who are ahead of us and tend to forget those who are behind us. What I don't understand is why we so often don't see those beside us. Hmm...

Well, if I do have readers, which I kinda hope I do, write me a comment or send me a prayer request. I would be honored. God bless.

Monday, March 10, 2008


Right now, I'm supposed to be writing a paper that was due a week and a half ago. I do feel bad. I'm not usually this kind of student. It's just that I have been so busy with school work that I couldn't push myself to write this one. I feel like I'm taking advantage of my teacher a little because he's the only flexible one I have. But the overwhelming amount of work that my inflexible teachers have given, only makes it worse for the flexible ones. don't care.

Last week was spring break. It was such a good break. I tried to be as good as I could spreading my time between everyone. Someone always gets short-changed and I feel bad. But I did okay this time. I slept a lot. I shopped a lot. I ate a lot. What more could a girl want??

I got to go to the beach for a day with my friends and that was the most wonderful experience. I just love them. I remember that I still haven't written about friendship, but I just want to do a good job. My friends mean the world to me. We really are like sisters. We are always there for each other. We have gone through some of the worst that the world could throw at us. We've all gone separate ways since high school, and despite all odds, we are still the best of friends. It has taken more work and more prayer than you could ever imagine, but we have never really fallen apart. We call ourselves the 4 stooges. When the first 2 of us went off to college, I made a travelling journal, a priceless treasure. I was obsessed with The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and for good reason. Of course, we couldn't find pants to fit all four of us, so the journal was second best. My best memories are with these girls. They have become my one true outlet for being myself. I laugh with them, dance with them, sing to the top of my lungs with them, get silly with them. They make my world go around.

Let me introduce them to you:

1-Jessie. we have been friends the longest, since we were probably ten or so. I joke with her because I really became friends with her because I felt sorry for her. She had a mullet, and no one would be friends with her. Now look what it has grown into! And she has beautiful hair! Jessie is the girl who will always make you laugh. She has a flirty, outgoing, and fun personality. This has made her the first to have a steady boyfriend and get engaged. Jessie is a real artist, and thinks in creative, arsty-fartsy ways. I love her and will always.

2.Sarah Ann. she is my actual blood sister. three years had always been a big gap in age difference until high school. now I don't know where I'd be without her. I get so proud of her, because I have gotten to see her grow. we are very different, with very different interests. but we can always find things to agree on. she is our science nerd and music buff. she is a whiz at science and wants to be a CSI. Sarah Ann also loves music and can sing beautifully. She sings all the time in church. they can't get enough of her. she doesn't like pictures or videos being takne of her, but she always enjoys being behind the camera. she has make many a video of us. she is the most reserved and quiet of all of us, but she can get passionate about many things. then, you better watch out.

3.Lacie. she was just voted by the high schoolers at our church, the hottest girl in our whole church. And she is beautiful. the boys have that right, but not only on the outside. before Lacie and I became friends, she came up to me in the darkness of our sanctuary on a worship night I was leading and asked me to pray for her and help her get closer to God. It was one of those precious moments in my life that I will remember forever. She was probably in eighth grade and I was in tenth. Our friendship just budded after that night. Lacie is both really girly and really...well, not. She grew up with brothers, so she could care less about that stuff, and at the same time she embraces what makes her different from them. She is very competitive and excels quickly at every new thing she tries. She is the most honest, sincere, and simple out of all of us.

All of these girls have amazing hearts for God and other people. I truly believe we stand high above the rest. We call each other out, when we are doing something stupid. We hold only the highest of standards. (to keep the doofwads away!) There are some night and day differences between us, but love holds us together through the bond of Christ. I am grateful every time we get to be together. We are sisters, no ands, ifs, or buts.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Scary stuff

There are three things that are probably the scariest to hear about your health.
1-You have a problem with your head.
2-You have a problem with your heart.
3- You've got cancer.

I've already dealt with the second one twice in my life. I can promise you, the third time doesn't get any better. Third time's a charm? Yeah right!
I never get sick(knock on wood). But yesterday I woke up with a really sore throat. Then the glands in my neck swelled up and got sore. This morning was the worst. I went down to the kitchen to get breakfast and started to feel light-headed. My heart started racing, and my body felt weak. I tried to get everything ready and to the table but had to just sit down. I laid my head down on the table and everything got worse. The next thing I know I've slid out of my chair and am on the floor disoriented. It took a minute to realize what had just happened as I called for my mom to come to my rescue. She couldn't find me as I was calling for her, but she eventually walked me to the couch. Scary.

Later when talking to my dad, my parents decided that this could be an indication that something is wrong with my heart, a problem that has already surfaced twice in my life(one that healed on its own when I was an infant and one false alarm my freshman year of college). They were afraid that something could really be wrong, so I got to spend my afternoon in a doctor's office, praying that everything really was fine. And praise God they are. I knew that I was being a royal pain in the butt to anyone around me, but it's a scary thing to even think of having heart problems at my age. My cousin who is only three years older than me, just found out she has this hereditary disease of the heart and had to have surgery. I don't want to go through with something like that.

Needless to say, be thankful for your health. If you feel like you're gonna pass out, get low to the ground. It hurts when you fall. And be gracious to those who take care of you. It would be much easier for them to be somewhere else!