Monday, July 28, 2008

I'll cross the street...I have a dream.

My last Monday at work is come and gone. I hate how fast summers go by. This has truly been an incredible summer and a busy one at that. I know I'll never be able to do everything I want to do in life, but by golly I try. I have literally been out of town or had plans in town every single weekend. And then I would come back and work 36 hours a week. And I've learned so much and really struggled a lot.
You see, when I've got something on my mind that I'm really wrestling with I tend not to talk about it until I've got it all figured out. This can be problematic when people want to know what's going on with me in certain areas of life. I'm an open book in areas of my life not covered in question marks. For instance, a lot of people close to me have wanted to know how working with a psychology group for the summer has helped me decide my future. While I've learned so much from each one of the great people that I work with, putting it all together still looks like a great big mess. I have less than five months to make plans for January, and I definitely don't want to be stuck in Florence waiting for something magical to happen. I'm smarter than that. But how do you explain messes in your head to other people? I haven't quite found a good way yet.
The best advice I've gotten all summer came from a DVD of a series that Andy Stanley did called the Best Question Ever. We watched these videos on our college and career beach trip. He said that the best question to ask yourself in any circumstance is not "what is the right thing to do?" because that doesn't always point to a solid or concrete answer(not everything is spelled out in the Bible) but we should ask "what is the wise thing to do?" based on my past experiences, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams. That really put a lot of things in perspective for me.
Too many things have happened for me to write about all of them. I've gotten to spend at least some time with all of those people who are important to me. I've made new friendships and made old friendships stronger. What I'm learning is that life is about relationships. More importantly my salvation rests upon a relationship with the One who holds all things together. And I don't know Him the way I thought I did. This is me being vulnerable. I know so much about Jesus, and I have a relationship with Him. I do. But I know that I can't be a fair weather friend forever. I have to know Him. What is He passionate about? What direction is He going? Because in order to be the kind of bride that the Bridegroom can be proud of instead of some whore for a wife, I have to stand by Him. I need to know where that is. Too many times I get in the way instead of being helpful.
I've already said too much. I have to go. Read the Gospels. Right now I'm reading John who had the nerve to call himself the beloved disciple. I think maybe he got it.