Wanting to write

Right now it's a quarter after eleven. I'm tired. I have a headache. And it has been a heck of a long day.

But I want to write.

The problem is that I have so many things running through my brain right now, it feels impossible. I feel too vulnerable right now to share from my heart, yet sharing trivial life events seems too superficial. So I guess tonight is somewhere in between.

Every time my life feels settled, I feel normal, and the puzzle pieces of my life fit nicely together, it feels I'm thrown into the blender. All the stuff that had settled, and I nearly thought was gone, surrounds me once again.

And the first person to hear about it is God. I went to one of those Good Friday services I was complaining about last week. I thought God and I were doing just fine, until the service started. Really. Just a few short weeks ago, I was so full of praise and awe. I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning without a joy and praise-filled conversation with my Creator.

Then there, in that service, after a wonderful, beautiful, friend-filled birthday, I let God have it. It surprised me. Especially on a night when we recognize the goodness of Christ's work on the cross. He died for me, my sin. Yet Friday, it didn't feel good enough.

I was reminded of Israel, Jacob, who wrestled with God. You better believe I was doing that with Him that night.

I'm reading a book about grace. It feels like it was written about me so much so that to even share the title with you would make me feel exposed. I haven't found pleasure in reading since I started graduate school, when reading textbooks became my life. I cannot seem to put this book down.

It occupies my mind. It is responsible for stirring the pot. It unsettles me.

So, here I am, just weeks away from massive amounts of change and new challenges, and I am here. Again, a mess before God, unable to sit still in the the Peace the passes understanding.

I always pray that these upsets, these challenges to my life and way of thinking, will bring growth and strength of character. But it always feels like one step forward, two (or fifty) steps back.

I am aware of the vagueness and intangible nature of my words, but if you're there, you get it. And I only write for encouragement on the journey. I love to find companions on the roads I travel.

My Birthday

Friday is my 24th birthday. It is also Earth Day. And Good Friday. While I love the Lord and his creation, I kind of look forward to one day a year being all about me. On that day I wear a tiara and just last year added the birthday princess sash. But this year is different.

1) I gave up sweets for Lent, which means no birthday cake. This is not a huge deal especially when thinking that Good Friday represents the day when Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice. So my minor sacrifice of cake doesn't seem so bad.

2) Many of my dear friends I would have celebrated with are going to Good Friday services that evening so no party.

3) Then there is the somber crowd that spend the whole day and weekend reflecting on what Christ has done, not celebrating until Easter morning.

Which leads to a confession: I feel like Jesus is sucking all of the fun out of my birthday. I jokingly told my mom that Jesus was stealing all the glory this year, and she ran away acting like God was going to strike me with lightning. But seriously, can I safely share my vanity with you?

In my pouting I decided to list my Amazon wishlist on my profile. Just in case someone wanted to send me a birthday gift. "No one sends me care packages anymore," I told myself. All they have to do is pick something and pay. It already has my info plugged in. Easy.

I know, right? I can hardly handle the vanity myself.

I will make the most of this birthday. And hopefully, I will learn a few things in the process. :)

Jerome Goes to Mississippi

Alright, it's time for a Jerome update. Jerome recently spent a little time with my new friend Quinton in my birth state of Mississippi. Let's see what what kind of trouble he has gotten himself into now. Here he is making friends with some squirrel decor. I wanted to make some joke about him eating squirrel and stuffing him, but I was afraid that since it was Mississippi, people might actually believe me. They don't do that in them there parts. :)

Jerome got to play his hand at a little penny poker. If this game was rigged, you could have done a little better. ;) Quinton goes to Mississippi State, and Jerome got a little tour of campus.

Next stop North Carolina!! Thanks Quinton!

Blog faves

Today I received pictures of Jerome's fun adventures in Mississippi, but I realized the last two posts have been about Jerome. While he's great and all, he's going to have to wait a few days before he gets any more face time on the blog. But big thanks to Quinton for showing him a good time!

I don't keep a list for you to see of all the wonderful blogs I love and follow. It's just too many. But every once and a while, I discover a post or a blog that I love so much that I have to share. Sometimes I get so encouraged and inspired by a blog that I just know that everyone will feel the same way. I don't always get the feedback I was so sure I would get, but I know that I would feel guilty keeping all of this wonderfulness to myself. Today is a sharing day.

The first one I discovered probably a month ago and is written by Kitty, a law student. She named her blog Three Years of Death. Girl, I get you. I am in my 3 years of death. Question: how come I couldn't come up with a cooler blog title? I knew I would love her and her blog just from the title. In fact, I have already made one of her awesome projects, a t-shirt headband.

The other blog I wanted to mention today is called You Seriously Made That!?. I have been enjoying Cami's fun, cool crafts, but it was a post she wrote recently about herself that made my whole month! Check it out! Seriously, I love her realness right there! I am surrounded by really organized, on top of everything people all the time. I am always late, always procrastinating, always only halfway presentable. I am a mess. But this...this makes me sigh, a big sigh of relief. Somebody else doesn't have it all together. In fact, it helps me give myself credit for the things I am doing. It also makes me laugh-a great big "I am right there with you" kind of laugh. She also has a headband craft project that I can't wait to do...as soon as I find time to learn to crochet. I can only handle one crafting venture at a time. Sewing is my thing right now.

Please enjoy! I know I have! Any favorites you wanna share with me?