Honesty

I began to realize why it is that I write so little and feel unable to write. You see, in the beginning only a few people even knew I had a blog. I could write without holding back, because I really had no clue as to who was reading my blog or how consistently it was read. Now that I know the vast number of close friends and family who keep up with my blog (God bless you all), I'm a scaredy pants. I'm not so scared of reactions as I am to just the amount of knowledge that I share from my heart and I leave in your hands. These are my struggles. These are my joys. These are the places I am growing. These are the places I still need to grow. It is heavy stuff. And I never meant it as just a source of information, but a place to find encouragement and hope. So, I think it's time for me to be honest again.

I graduate in 28 days. Want to talk about an emotional rollercoaster??? I am so excited some days and cry my eyeballs out the very next day. I get a stirring in my stomach just thinking about it. How can a person love and hate something so much at the same time?

And if you really want me to start bawling my eyes out, say anything about my church here, Christ Fellowship. This is without a doubt what I will miss the most. I even got to such an extreme emotionally the other week( I sobbed the whole twenty-five minute ride back to campus) that I wanted to change my whole plans and stay here and work for Christ Fellowship. I was serious! My plans were so elaborate that I think I went ahead and had myself like married and settled here in the next two years! (For those who are itching to find out who the guy is...there isn't one) I was off my rocker big time!! But that's what this time in your life does to a person. It takes you from normal to crazy in under 60 seconds.

**Just as a side note: When you're crazy, you don't want anyone to know that you're crazy. So thanks to all of my friends who treated me like I was normal, when I finally got the courage to talk to you about my losing touch with reality.**

And God is SO GOOD. He has seen through all of my irrationality and whining. He puts up with so much from me. And He still manages to get me back on track at the end of a rough day. I've been reading the Psalms during this rough time, because so many of them basically say "God, my life sucks and things are hard right now, but I give You praise and trust You, because You are God and You take care of Your children." It's probably a bad paraphrase, but read them and see for yourself.

Psalm 13

1 How long, Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts,

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemies triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

4 and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in Your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in Your salvation.

6 I will sing the Lord's praise,

for He has been GOOD to me.

Can I be real about something else? I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. I still struggle with the picture of me in an office all day, seeing client after client. That's not my heart. Maybe I need to make my own options for myself, but I don't know. How do you do something that has never been done before? I still ask myself what am I really that great at?

That's all for now. Should be more than enough to chew on.

A poem by Carrie

oh future. poo on you. you make me sick.

Camping 08

It has been two months since I last posted on this blog, but I honestly haven't written anything but schoolwork during this time. While I am usually overflowing with questions and exciting news, nothing has gotten to the place where I just wanted to write about it.

I have taken two trips recently, both worth writing about, but time is what runs away from me. Almost three weeks ago, I packed up my stuff and drove home to surprise my dad for his 5oth birthday. It was sort of a spontaneous leap from reality for a few days, and I can't remember smiling and laughing that much in months. The first night I spent in SC I stayed with Lacie so my dad wouldn't be clued into the fact that there was more to my coming home than meets the eye. The two of us had a great time together as always, and she took a bunch of goofy pictures of us, which I can only look back on and shake my head.

We surprised my dad ten times over. First me. Then my sister. Then a surprise trip(blind-fold and all). He couldn't believe it. I think it was just the break he needed as well. We ended up in the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. Let me just tell you, it was beautiful.

This past weekend was my fall break, and I decided to take a girls trip to go camping in Georgia with five of my friends. We stayed at High Falls State Park an hour from Atlanta. I have never really been camping before so this was quite the experience for me. I loved it. We built our own fires. We cooked our own food. We hiked. We nearly froze to death. And we almost got eaten by bears the first night because we failed to take our trash to the trash dump. True story.

All in all it was an unforgettable experience. The weather during the day was perfect for us to hike around in the woods and by the waterfalls. We met some fun people too. We weren't exactly looking our best for this trip, but it was a bonding experience nonetheless.

Be 13 Again.

Be 13 Again. This is the phrase that is plastered to my dorm room wall as of this weekend. I have always felt like the kid in me never grew up. It's a semi-Peter Pan-esque rebellion, which probably explains why that's my favorite story ever. J M Barrie just speaks to me. My entire side of the room is covered with posters and magazine cutouts of all of the latest teenybopper idols. Tons of Hannah Montana. Lots of Jonas Bros. High School Musical stars. Camp Rock leads. You name it, I've got it on my walls. I have one last semester of college, so why not go crazy? It really is fun, and I'm attracted to their fun catchy pop songs that aren't seriously loaded, emotionally frustrated songs that everyone is so driven to these days. They're just fun. And with life being the way it is, some days fun is all I can manage.

In all seriousness, at this point in my life I've been feeling a pretty strong desire to either go back and be 13 again or fast forward five or ten years. College is probably the most uncomfortable place for me to be right now, and yet I have a responsibility to myself and my parents to finish this degree I started three years ago. I have been at school for one week now and I feel like a freshman all over again without the excitement of the years to come. It's just awkward. My ties here are already starting to disintegrate. Even more strange is not knowing what comes next. I should know shouldn't I?

What's most dissappointing is not knowing how or if I left my mark anywhere. Looking back, I remember every year coming back and hoping that I could become a little bit more of myself here in this Christianized college bubble. I never got there. I still left myself in Florence, SC coming to this place where I question every move I make, every word I say in hopes that if I do something right I will earn more Christian points in this race to be the best Christian. I have no titles. I'm not the outgoing one or the funny one or even the smart one. These people have nothing to define me, and I'm left feeling like I don't belong completely. They would never tell you that here.

Generally, I'm a very easy going and cheerful person, but the day I came here I became synical and irritable. I've been taught that when you want to be filled with joy, you need to ask God to give you an unoffendable heart. And I've been praying that over and over again this week. The worst part is how God likes to send you these awful tests to strengthen the qualities you ask for and He places within you. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and pray it again. I have to jokingly say that for me going to college is like enlisting. Like I signed up just to get put on the front lines of combat. Because I can tell you my soul is at war. At least I can rest assured that Christ has already won the battle for its ownership. It's His. All His.

I went to church this morning, and it was the most refreshing and wonderful service. I just felt that if just for a moment I was completely at rest, my spirit renewed. I felt the very power of God. I needed to feel it again. Just a glimpse. We sang a song whose lyrics read, "You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need, You lift us up on wings like eagles." I needed God to remind me that He was that for me. And I was reminded that the position of my weakness and brokenness was where He could use me the most. The less of me I cling to, the more of Him I can have room for in my life. Pastor Tom preached on 2 Timothy 4: 7-8. Verse seven reads, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." I want to be able to able to say that when the battle is finished.

I'll cross the street...I have a dream.

My last Monday at work is come and gone. I hate how fast summers go by. This has truly been an incredible summer and a busy one at that. I know I'll never be able to do everything I want to do in life, but by golly I try. I have literally been out of town or had plans in town every single weekend. And then I would come back and work 36 hours a week. And I've learned so much and really struggled a lot.
You see, when I've got something on my mind that I'm really wrestling with I tend not to talk about it until I've got it all figured out. This can be problematic when people want to know what's going on with me in certain areas of life. I'm an open book in areas of my life not covered in question marks. For instance, a lot of people close to me have wanted to know how working with a psychology group for the summer has helped me decide my future. While I've learned so much from each one of the great people that I work with, putting it all together still looks like a great big mess. I have less than five months to make plans for January, and I definitely don't want to be stuck in Florence waiting for something magical to happen. I'm smarter than that. But how do you explain messes in your head to other people? I haven't quite found a good way yet.
The best advice I've gotten all summer came from a DVD of a series that Andy Stanley did called the Best Question Ever. We watched these videos on our college and career beach trip. He said that the best question to ask yourself in any circumstance is not "what is the right thing to do?" because that doesn't always point to a solid or concrete answer(not everything is spelled out in the Bible) but we should ask "what is the wise thing to do?" based on my past experiences, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams. That really put a lot of things in perspective for me.
Too many things have happened for me to write about all of them. I've gotten to spend at least some time with all of those people who are important to me. I've made new friendships and made old friendships stronger. What I'm learning is that life is about relationships. More importantly my salvation rests upon a relationship with the One who holds all things together. And I don't know Him the way I thought I did. This is me being vulnerable. I know so much about Jesus, and I have a relationship with Him. I do. But I know that I can't be a fair weather friend forever. I have to know Him. What is He passionate about? What direction is He going? Because in order to be the kind of bride that the Bridegroom can be proud of instead of some whore for a wife, I have to stand by Him. I need to know where that is. Too many times I get in the way instead of being helpful.
I've already said too much. I have to go. Read the Gospels. Right now I'm reading John who had the nerve to call himself the beloved disciple. I think maybe he got it.

Notes from a working girl

I am now an eight to five, real deal, working girl now. I have been for four weeks now. I didn't realize how long days could actually be when you're stuck behind a computer. I come home, take a nap, eat dinner, take a shower, and go to bed. I mean, what a life! I can't imagine having a family and other responsibilities outside of a job. I must be so spoiled! But enough whining... I love my job.
Behavioral Health Group has been fantastic for me. The people I work with are amazing and so helpful. I really think I will be sure of what I want to do come the end of the summer. The fact that it is a private practice with a number of psychologists and licensed counselors with diverse backgrounds and specialties is phenomenal. And did I mention that they are all Christians?? This is exactly what I think I want to do! I get along with everyone so well, and sometime they feel more like family than co-workers. And I have only been there for four weeks!
So what do I do exactly? Yeah, good question. Let's say whatever needs to be done. I've caught on pretty quickly with everything so far, so I've been the receptionist some days, I get to run to Office Depot or call them and place orders charging lots of money on the business credit card, I score some of the psychological testing and insert the information into our computer system some times, I get to meet with the doctors and counselors to pelt them with questions, I get to do some observing and participating in group therapy and other things, but mostly I sit at my computer and fix the billing records that weren't done right when the old office manager was there. I will have my own office by the end of the summer. I think that is pretty cool.
My only frustration is that I have been working for four weeks now and won't be paid until next week. I found that out today. I don't want to cast blame on anyone, because the person who should have gotten everything straightened out with the payroll guy hardly works at the office anyways. But I just wish there was one person in charge of me who was there and I could ask questions and get things straightened out right away. Unfortunately for the moment, I'll have to wait on money and keep working on the computer stuff hoping that it is done right.
This will be a great summer, and I have plenty of other things to write about soon. Now to work the church nursery for my mom who is stuck at the beach.....

My crazy life

My life has never been crazier than it was this semester. I have hardly had time to breathe between reading assignment, writing papers, research projects, and studying for exams. This is my last spring in West Palm, and I wish I had been able to enjoy it more. Now it's time to pack and clean and try to enjoy the last day before summer at home.

The past two weeks have had so much going on, but I think it's important to mention that I just turned 21!!! Even though it was in the midst of the craziness and everyone was busy, my amazing friends still made time to make it special. I woke up and our whole apartment was decorated with streamers and post-its and luau party supplies. It was awesome.

The weekend before my birthday, my family came for a visit. We had a great time, and they even got to come to the Keys with me for my friend's birthday party. It was a busy weekend for me and little sleep, but I really had a good time.

On my actual birthday I went a local park on the beach. It was so much fun. Just me and God and the beauty of creation. This beach has so many shells. I had to go get some as birthday momentos. Even though I had so much on my plate during that time, I decided to take a break from it all and do as little homework as possible. I deserved it. A friend recently taught me that birthdays are about celebrating the gift of life that God has given. It's not about getting a year older but being blessed with another year of life. I want to celebrate like that.

The Bigger Picture

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have. Today was one of those for me.

So I come home from this long, downhill day and I sit down to get some perspective from my Creator. The book I've been studying read, "We have a fundamental distrust of God and His plan. We have a hard time with perspective because we are too close to the situation and can't see the picture." That's the truth. We live in the moment, and sometimes the moments (esp. stacked on top of each other) overwhelm and we feel like life is being choked out of us. God sees where we're going, the big picture, and is so excited for what He gets to do.

Every day I ask myself "Do I believe that God is good?" It's taped to my mirror to constantly question my ever-wandering mind. If He is good than I should trust Him. Beside my bed is a simple prayer that I have been praying and mulling over for a few weeks now. "God, I will trust that You have in mind what is best for me." However helpful these notes have been, I still find in myself a "fundamental distrust of God and His plan."

I'm a really bad waiter. I whine to God a lot. What's funny is that I usually take it back. Deep down, I'm afraid that He'll give me what I want and I'll find out the hard way that it wasn't what I wanted after all, that it wasn't good. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that God is good, really good.

So as silly as this sounds, from my psychological mind, do yourself a favor when you have one of those days. Take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture. The truth is that you will have to make it up, because only God knows. So use your imagination. It can take you anywhere. I don't encourage day-dreaming. That'll just get you in trouble. Just grab a glimmer of hope.

Now that I feel really wierd for writing silly stuff like that, know that I want whoever reads this whether intentionally or by stumbling upon it or out of boredom to be encouraged and to learn some of the things I learn along with me. Life is a journey and some times it just feels great to know that others are right there with you.

When I think of the journey metaphor, it reminds me that we always see those who are ahead of us and tend to forget those who are behind us. What I don't understand is why we so often don't see those beside us. Hmm...

Well, if I do have readers, which I kinda hope I do, write me a comment or send me a prayer request. I would be honored. God bless.

Procrastinating

Right now, I'm supposed to be writing a paper that was due a week and a half ago. I do feel bad. I'm not usually this kind of student. It's just that I have been so busy with school work that I couldn't push myself to write this one. I feel like I'm taking advantage of my teacher a little because he's the only flexible one I have. But the overwhelming amount of work that my inflexible teachers have given, only makes it worse for the flexible ones. Anyways...you don't care.

Last week was spring break. It was such a good break. I tried to be as good as I could spreading my time between everyone. Someone always gets short-changed and I feel bad. But I did okay this time. I slept a lot. I shopped a lot. I ate a lot. What more could a girl want??

I got to go to the beach for a day with my friends and that was the most wonderful experience. I just love them. I remember that I still haven't written about friendship, but I just want to do a good job. My friends mean the world to me. We really are like sisters. We are always there for each other. We have gone through some of the worst that the world could throw at us. We've all gone separate ways since high school, and despite all odds, we are still the best of friends. It has taken more work and more prayer than you could ever imagine, but we have never really fallen apart. We call ourselves the 4 stooges. When the first 2 of us went off to college, I made a travelling journal, a priceless treasure. I was obsessed with The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and for good reason. Of course, we couldn't find pants to fit all four of us, so the journal was second best. My best memories are with these girls. They have become my one true outlet for being myself. I laugh with them, dance with them, sing to the top of my lungs with them, get silly with them. They make my world go around.

Let me introduce them to you:

1-Jessie. we have been friends the longest, since we were probably ten or so. I joke with her because I really became friends with her because I felt sorry for her. She had a mullet, and no one would be friends with her. Now look what it has grown into! And she has beautiful hair! Jessie is the girl who will always make you laugh. She has a flirty, outgoing, and fun personality. This has made her the first to have a steady boyfriend and get engaged. Jessie is a real artist, and thinks in creative, arsty-fartsy ways. I love her and will always.

2.Sarah Ann. she is my actual blood sister. three years had always been a big gap in age difference until high school. now I don't know where I'd be without her. I get so proud of her, because I have gotten to see her grow. we are very different, with very different interests. but we can always find things to agree on. she is our science nerd and music buff. she is a whiz at science and wants to be a CSI. Sarah Ann also loves music and can sing beautifully. She sings all the time in church. they can't get enough of her. she doesn't like pictures or videos being takne of her, but she always enjoys being behind the camera. she has make many a video of us. she is the most reserved and quiet of all of us, but she can get passionate about many things. then, you better watch out.

3.Lacie. she was just voted by the high schoolers at our church, the hottest girl in our whole church. And she is beautiful. the boys have that right, but not only on the outside. before Lacie and I became friends, she came up to me in the darkness of our sanctuary on a worship night I was leading and asked me to pray for her and help her get closer to God. It was one of those precious moments in my life that I will remember forever. She was probably in eighth grade and I was in tenth. Our friendship just budded after that night. Lacie is both really girly and really...well, not. She grew up with brothers, so she could care less about that stuff, and at the same time she embraces what makes her different from them. She is very competitive and excels quickly at every new thing she tries. She is the most honest, sincere, and simple out of all of us.

All of these girls have amazing hearts for God and other people. I truly believe we stand high above the rest. We call each other out, when we are doing something stupid. We hold only the highest of standards. (to keep the doofwads away!) There are some night and day differences between us, but love holds us together through the bond of Christ. I am grateful every time we get to be together. We are sisters, no ands, ifs, or buts.

Scary stuff

There are three things that are probably the scariest to hear about your health.
1-You have a problem with your head.
2-You have a problem with your heart.
3- You've got cancer.

I've already dealt with the second one twice in my life. I can promise you, the third time doesn't get any better. Third time's a charm? Yeah right!
I never get sick(knock on wood). But yesterday I woke up with a really sore throat. Then the glands in my neck swelled up and got sore. This morning was the worst. I went down to the kitchen to get breakfast and started to feel light-headed. My heart started racing, and my body felt weak. I tried to get everything ready and to the table but had to just sit down. I laid my head down on the table and everything got worse. The next thing I know I've slid out of my chair and am on the floor disoriented. It took a minute to realize what had just happened as I called for my mom to come to my rescue. She couldn't find me as I was calling for her, but she eventually walked me to the couch. Scary.

Later when talking to my dad, my parents decided that this could be an indication that something is wrong with my heart, a problem that has already surfaced twice in my life(one that healed on its own when I was an infant and one false alarm my freshman year of college). They were afraid that something could really be wrong, so I got to spend my afternoon in a doctor's office, praying that everything really was fine. And praise God they are. I knew that I was being a royal pain in the butt to anyone around me, but it's a scary thing to even think of having heart problems at my age. My cousin who is only three years older than me, just found out she has this hereditary disease of the heart and had to have surgery. I don't want to go through with something like that.

Needless to say, be thankful for your health. If you feel like you're gonna pass out, get low to the ground. It hurts when you fall. And be gracious to those who take care of you. It would be much easier for them to be somewhere else!

e-harmony

Again, I'm in lab and not paying very much attention, but life is so busy right now before spring break that it might be the only time to catch up about anything.

My new haircut turned out to be not much different than before, except for the bangs (which drive me crazy, by the way) The experience was well worth it and was quite impressed with the salon. It was mind-blowing to go from small-town private salon to a big city professional chain salon. I got suckered into buying the outrageous shampoo and conditioner. Next time I know to stand strong. I'll put up a picture soon.

Next matter of business is Sunday night's concert. It was awesome. My school finally did something worth talking about. Lots of people from around the community came. There was Shane and Shane, Bethany Dillon, Starfield, and speaker, David Nasser. All are my faves. Love them. But what is cooler than seeing them perform in my school gym is getting to pick David Nasser up from the airport, an hour away. I tried so hard not to be star-struck, and I did an ok job. But I definitely wanted to be his best friend. David is my roommate Michelle's favorite speaker and since she had ties to Student Activities, they called her to pick him up. I sat in the back seat, and I'm sure he forgot my name soon after I said it. But so cool!!

I will say that it was hard to sit at the concert surrounded by couples. Literally, one on every side. Halfway through, and I'm not really sure how or why the cute guy from my class came and sat down right in front of me (the couple had left). Talk about distracting. I tried to stay focused on the concert and to not look too much :) This leads me to my next point....

My roommate signed me up for eHarmony!! Without my permission!! I was sitting on the couch beside me on her computer, and I wasn't paying attention to her. Then, she started laughing and I asked her what she was laughing about. She told me that she signed me up! I watched her go through the whole process, and I didn't give her input at all! I don't know how acurate it was, but we have lived together for 3 years now. In the end, I had 8 matches. Interesting. It made me wonder what kind of guys would put themselves on eHarmony? Especially at my age.
I mean, I shouldn't be desperate for at least another 5-10 years. I'm not sure what prompted Michelle to do that for me.

I am overwhelmed by school right now. This is my hardest semester, and it's proving itself. My grandparents are spending Saturday with me, I was supposed to work 3 days this week, and I was supposed to have 2 midterms. God always knows how much I can handle, and I got one test moved to next week(which is a little bit better) and two of my three jobs were cancelled due to sickness(one of which I still get paid for, b/c of late cancellation). How can not praise Him? I'm so thankful for all that God does in my life.

..."O praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead"...

Live life, live free!

Now I'm really out there. I have posted my page up on facebook. I'm gettin a little crazy! Who knows what'll be next!!

Today I had to write a quote for my school's yearbook about my mission trip to the Philippines last summer. It got me thinking about how amazing that trip was and how amazing God is and how amazing the world is. I'm sure you're thinking, "woah carrie! that's a little too much amazing for one sentence," but it's true. I learned so much on that trip, and it made me want to really see the world. Once you get to see outside of your own little cultural box, all you want is more. More and more.

It really saddens me when I see high school student after high school student stay so close to home and everything they know. I really try to push people to their limits when choosing a college. It's so hard to be away from home. I would never lie about that. I love my family. I love my friends back home. I love my state. But if that's all you ever know, you have no choice but to be narrow-minded. You don't know anything outside of your own little world.

And the world is huge!! I don't want to claim to know all of it, because that is very far from the truth. But I now have a different lens with which I can view the world, a much broader one.

I ran off on that tangent a little too quickly, but I come from a place where people most likely will stay there their entire lives. You'd think it was paradise or something! All of this to say that the Philippines was a most remarkable experience for me. I got stretched a lot. My favorite part (since I don't have near enough time to write about all of it) was getting to work with Compassion Intl. and the children who have been sponsored by blessed families all over the world. Those children took a piece of my heart. I'm sure of it. Every day we had lots of free time, and the kids would come from all over and spend time with us. I got particularly close with this one nine year old boy named Carl John. He had so much personality, and he had such a big heart. He always stood up for his friends, and I remember seeing him just sit with one boy who was crying and not say a word. Everyone on my team loved him, and I wasn't sure if the two of us really had a special bond or if I just felt like we did because he was so friendly. On the last day, a Saturday, we were waiting on Ernie to bring the van back to take us to the airport. All of the Compassion kids had programs they had to attend on Saturdays so they were all there. Carl John had just finished his Bible lesson where they made a bookmark with Romans 10:11 on it. With everyone around, he could have given it to the first person he saw, but I watched him as he kept looking over at me as the other girls ooo'd and aaaahh'd over his bookmark. Looking a little embarrassed he made his way over to me and gave me the bookmark. I felt the tear forming in the corner of my eye, and I read it. In sloppy, child-like writing and words misspelled, read "I miss you Carrei. Carl John" It was the high-light of my trip.

I had been so impressed with Compassion's ministries, and to see what they had done for this little boy who lived in the poorest of conditions, changed me. They do so much. Our money goes so far. I've even thought about working for them sometime in the future. What I would stress to anyone reading this is that if you can sponsor a child, do it! The rewards are far greater than the cost.

What a terrific day looks like

So far, today has been incredible! First off, I got up early to go work out, which of course makes me feel like a million bucks. And I had a test today, but think I did alright on it--not too hard. After the test my group for my research project met outside Jazzman's. Of course, they are all my friends, and we have a blast together. Not to mention the weather was beautiful outside today. I felt like a princess. I will say that I had a hard time working on our project with the cutie from my class sitting at the table next to us. And with the day being as perfect as it was, I felt hopeful that the perfect opportunity would open up soon for the two of us to become friends. We’ll just have to see.

After the glorious time in front of Jazzmans, I had my Paul class on the beach. Can you imagine?? How many people can say they have had class on the beach? It was the most amazing and fantastic idea ever. And my teacher!! I just love him. He’s like this lovable granddaddy figure. It was all his idea, and I love him for it. It is by far my favorite class this semester. And with a semester full of classes I don’t like, this is a huge breath of fresh air. The teacher plus my awesome classmates make the whole hour and fifteen minute classes fly by.

After class, Kayla and I made yummy bars. I let her in on the secret recipe, and we had a great bonding time. I really wish I spent more time with her. She is a precious girl to me. Not to mention, yummy bars are my favorite thing in the universe. So they added to the greatness of the day.

When I got home from Kayla’s, Brittany had called me to go to Chik-fil-a, another great thing in my life. My friend’s and I ate there and came back to watch a little TV and hang out. We were having so much fun.

Now, it’s time to go to bed, and I’m exhausted. I’ve had quite the full day, you know? As I fall to sleep tonight, I will be sure to count my blessings two times over!... “This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. "

I'm back.

I think it's funny how I write these things as if someone were actually reading them. I haven't even shared this with anyone I know. My thought was that if I died today (God forbid) someone could see what was actually going on with me. Day by day. Exciting and dull moments.

But back to my hair. Things change so much in my life. Earlier, I said Saturday was haircut day. Well, Michelle actually called and we couldn't get an appointment at the same time until next Wednesday. And we definitely want to do this together. Both of us have pretty much had the same hair stylist our whole lives. So, this is a pretty big leap of faith for both of us, especially since we are going to stylists that are new and straight out of cosmotology school. Hey, we are college students, ok? I hope trying to save a few bucks doesn't turn out to be a huge mistake.

The point of the story (however shallow talking about hair is, there is a point) is that I did not and still do not know my face shape. I've heard time and again that you should choose a hair style based on what complements your face shape. I always thought it was round, but didn't really know. So, I googled and took a bunch of face shape tests, and I found that I supposedly have a heart-shaped face. Every picture of a person with a heart-shaped face contradicts this. My chin doesn't come to a point like all of the pictures I see of celebs with heart-shaped faces. I guess I'll never know. I'm going to ask my stylist next Wednesday though.

Just so you know, I'm not going for a really drastic change. But I want to be noticed. I'll have to put up before and after pictures. Should be really interesting. To be completely honest, I've been especially concerned with impressing boys (or should I say men?) this semester. Quite honestly, I view it as a plague on my contentment. Some days, I think "boy, this is fun!" Other days, I think I should pack up and call it quits. Most of my guy friends have girlfriends(who are also my friends) so as much as I don't want to, I have to go outside of my group of friends to find a guy who would perhaps want to take me out. And that is proving to be hard...in every way.

Sometimes, I'm literally terrified to talk to boys. I don't what to say, do, or think in front of them. It all just gets so jumbled. And there is this one boy that I have been joking around with my girl friends about how cute he is. It's just been so fun to be silly with them about this kind of stuff. But I missed a great opportunity to talk to him last week, and I can't seem to get back in the game since then.

Should I even mention that next week is Valentine's Day? Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think I've ever been one of those sulky singles who hates the mere mentioning of the love holiday. I look forward to my dad buying me roses and my mom sending a card and some candy. But I can't block out of my head completely the reminder that I am failing in that particular area.

All this to say that I'm hoping for the best in my new haircut. I think I'm even springing for side-swept bangs. Maybe it will be just the thing I need to push through the Day of Love!

Hair

Ok, I know I said I'd talk about friendship on my very next blog, but right now I'm in class. I really don't think I'll be able to concentrate on important matters such as friendship and pay attention to my professor. So, I'm gonna talk about face shapes and new hair cuts.

Last night, I was sitting on the couch with my roommate, watching the votes come in (yesterday was Super Tuesday), crossing my fingers, and discussing hair and politics with my roommate. Now, I'm not normally a very good multi-tasker, but for the sake of keeping up in this fast-paced world, I'm practicing. I really don't like politics, so I'm not going to talk about the presidential candidates for fear of looking ignorant...because I am.

Michelle, my roommate, was saying to me the other day that her hair was getting to "the awkward stage,"and she wanted to find a hair stylist here, where we go to school. My hair is in the awkward stage too...We decided Saturday was haircut day.


...I type too slowly. Class is over. Wait anxiously for the rest of this story.

So you wanna know about me?

I don't know what possesses me when I start something like this, putting myself on the internet for the world to see. I guess it's that thing in all of us that wants to be known. Some days there are no words that come to my lips when I need them. Writing can take as long as the words need to come. Right now, I'm sitting on my couch in my dorm watching American Idol and hoping I don't lose my wireless connection. It always amazes me that so many people do not have honest friends in their lives that would keep them from embarrassing themselves on live television. The people who show up for American Idol baffle me. I pray that my friends are always honest with me. I live by a policy of speaking the truth in love. Sometimes, if it's not you then who will speak the honest truth to a friend? It shows how much you love a person if you are willing to temporarily injure their pride to save them from others or even themselves. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."--Proverbs 27:6. Think about that. It's so true.

Friendship is something I take so seriously. My friends know that. They know that if they needed me at any time, day or night, they could just give me a call. And trust me, I've had my share of late night, early morning calls. I bend over backwards for my best friends, and they know where I stand with them. When I come back I'm gonna write more about friendship. My ideas. My friends...for now it's time for my favorite time of year...Towers All Hall Meeting...or not!